There are so many different things about who I was then, in 2000:
And who I am now, in 2016:
I’d truly hate to think that my transformation was promoted as simply physical. I’ve been helping women that have a tremendous amount of weight to lose for over 3 years.
I have yet to have a single case where their journey didn’t bring them to (AND THROUGH) some tough mental and emotional trials.
Baggage that I am just not qualified to sift and sort through. I can simply share my truth, extend TONS of grace, and encourage them to NEVER quit trying. Encouragement is a tremendous God-given gift of mine and I love serving others in this capacity.
I am NOT a therapist. But. I did GO to therapy. And I strongly encourage others to seek the same help. I used to shy away from admitting that I ever ’needed’ therapy. Like it made me seem weak and mentally unstable.
But that’s the beauty of my personal transformation. I can now admit that I WAS weak and mentally unstable. And that I DID need help. You should NEVER feel ashamed of your broken pieces. Nobody can judge you when they haven’t lived your story. Period.
There is true power in OWNING every part of your story.
Every transformation starts on the inside. If it’s successful, it always manifests on the outside.
And, may I interject here, the outward manifestation is not by way of skinny jeans and a bikini body. Rather a glow in their eyes, a smile that is electric and unforced.
To me, THAT is true beauty.
My joy isn’t forced anymore. My passion to help others comes from living, breathing, inhaling and exhaling the pain of depression, anxiety, rejection, guilt, shame, and so many other countless demons that have tried to take me off course.
One thing I’ve learned about passion is that it’s not something you can learn from college. There is no doctorate or masters degree that can teach it. You can’t come up with enough money to buy it.
I had to face darkness square in the face and look for ANY piece of light seeping through. I found it. I found it through CHRIST. No greater light can restore such depths of darkness like the light of my Jesus.
Truth is, when I was at my lowest of lows, I never asked God to help me lose weight. Because check it…when you are at rock bottom, vanity just doesn’t exist. You become so vulnerable before God and brought to a place of such humility. Every fiber of your being begins to crave ANYTHING but your current reality.
For a moment.
Just one sliver of a moment.
I. Was. Miserable.
I was told years ago by someone I admire greatly that if I was ever going to truly change, it would require honesty. I had to get real with where I was.
Heck. To this day that is never easy. But. If you truly desire to change and evolve, you have to be vulnerable with your own self–first and foremost.
Now, almost 17 years later, my transformation story goes so far beyond those 90 pounds.
When I began my journey, I guarded my own personal potential. I decided not to place limits on what I could achieve.
(Go with me as I share a personal moment!)
I’ll never forget looking inside an aerobics studio at nearly 200 pounds. I was like a child soaking it in. To me it was pure wonder and amazement. It was a kickboxing class. The instructor had amazing arms, thighs, hair, skin, and the most genuine smile.
I wanted to be THAT GIRL. I drew a line in the sand that day. I wanted to wear a microphone one day and inspire others to MOVE. I wanted to be physically fit and exceptionally happy. I wanted to passionately pursue a career in fitness.
THAT was my defining moment. I’ve never shared that particular piece of my story before. But. Now that I am that girl and now that I wear that microphone, I often times have to fight off my pride. It’s hard to imagine NOT being the girl wearing the microphone. It’s hard to imagine NOT being physically and emotionally fit. It’s hard to remember the girl that was on the other side of that glass–looking in.
Sometimes I want the world to only know the girl I am today. The fit one. The happy one.
But that’s silly. I know that. When I think about the girl who was watching that instructor lead that class, I remember one thing so clearly. Not for one single second did I allow my mind to believe ANYTHING but this….
YES. YOU. CAN.
My journey started. With a gym membership, a church membership, and a decision to live out God’s very best.
I never looked back. And to this day, I only look back to marvel at just how far God has brought me.
So many women are further along than me. Not only in their fitness level, but as an entrapaneur, an author, a mother, a wife, and as a Christian.
I can’t ever try to go up against that. It’s the quickest way to stunt your forward progress. Trust me. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to snap out of the comparison wheel.
There is nobody on this earth that can do a better job at being me….other than ME.
So. Then. I believe it’s safe to quote one of my all time FAVORITES that truly speaks to the heart of comparison:
“With nothing to compare yourself to, aren’t you perfect!”. -Byron Katie.
In HIM and Health,