I’m going there.

Cause it needs to be said.  This is a HUGE deal.  Sex is one of the most important ingredients of a marriage. And not just for the man.  Even on the nights ‘I’d rather not’, there’s a sense of human connection that lives on for days after the fact.

Then why is it SO HARD to have this one area in sync at all times in your marriage?

Well.  I don’t know the answer to that.  But I do have a lot of facts I mean opinions on this matter.

For starters.  Every woman reading this has that ONE friend.  Because honestly.  I only have ONE girlfriend who is always hot-in-the-pants, ready, and willing…at all times.  Because yes.  Women talk about this stuff.  A lot.

Even the ‘good girls’ talk about it.  Trust me.  I have awesome girlfriends and we all talk about SEX!  I’m usually the one that starts it…but still.

So.  You’re either that ‘one friend’ or the rest of you fall into my category.  And again.  I’m only sharing with you the facts my opinion.

And in most cases where that ONE woman is hot-in-the-pants,  the man is the tired one.  The man is the one who’d ‘rather not’.

Oh I’m sure there’s that perfectly in-sync couple.  I’ve just never had the pleasure of knowing them.  And quite frankly, my jealous bone doesn’t really want to know them.  Ha!

I’m gonna go right out and say what’s on my mind.  Because before we had children, I never remember giving any thought to either of us being deprived.  Probably because we weren’t.  At all.

Yeah.  We weren’t.  I remember.

Then.  Kids come.  They spit up on you.  They are ON YOUR BOOB.  ALL DAY.  They cry.  They need.  They want…..only YOU.  You get them to bed and your body and your bubble of space is finally not needed.

Or is it?

There lays your husband.  Hot-in-the-pants.


Anyone know that moment?

It wasn’t until we had our first born that I ever felt that I wasn’t as ON POINT (for lack of better words) in this area as I used to be.

But.  Being a good wife was something I desired.  And depriving my husband of sex (because honestly, we are in full control over that!) wasn’t going to happen.  That man only needs two things.

Food & Sex.

Listen, women.  That is all they need.  Food….and….SEX.

Feed and sex those men, ladies.

So.  When I realized that our kid-free life of sex was over (9 years and counting), we began to communicate in this area.  I straight up asked him this, “How many times a week do you NEED it?”

Like I really wanted to know his needs in this area.  And I made it very clear that I needed the number of his NEEDS…not how many times he WANTS it.  I’m not a genie-in-a-bottle.

Once we communicated that  ‘lucky number’.  I made a pact from that day on that I would reach that goal.

The reason I’m even writing this blog post on this subject is to encourage ONE woman to step up her sex game.  So.  I’ll go ahead and give that ‘lucky number’ away (husband gave permission!).

It was simple.  He NEEDED 2 times a week.  And more would always be welcome-ha ha.

Have we been perfect at this?  No.  But I swear.  We’ve never gone a full week (of our entire marriage) without intimacy.  I’ve kept to my pact. My husband’s entire demeanor changes if Day 4 approaches and we’ve been off our game.

In those moments where I know he’s getting……..frustrated, I remember that all this man needs is food…and SEX.

So simple.

Oh.  And then there’s the issue of quality over quantity.  And we communicated that as well.  Hey.  It’s YOUR sex life.  You guys can create it to look however you want.  I’m just saying that communication in this area is VITAL.

Cause look…I’m not diving into an hour session every time.  So some times it’s quantity.  But then there’s a certain degree of QUALITY that needs braided in to keep the marriage’s vitality and spice alive.

Communicate that!!

We sure do.

And not being intimate whatsoever….is DEATH.  Please, ladies, don’t deprive your husbands.  If he’s being a jerk….that’s probably why (or he needs food!). Pursue him.  Let sex be YOUR idea.  Make him feel desired for a change.

I don’t know what that ‘lucky number’ is for your marriage.  Maybe it’s once a week.  Maybe it’s three times a week.  Maybe it’s twice a month.  But I think it’s a great idea to find that number + stick to it.

And I’ll never know why men have a way higher sex drive than women (unless you’re that one friend, of course!).

I’m just saying that if I only had sex the days that I was hot-in-the-pants…my marriage wouldn’t work.IMG_5993

And.  One last thought: I’ve never regretted it afterwards.

So there’s that.


Now.  Let’s get it together, friends.

Sex him up!!

Much love,










Christy Marshall

1 Comment

  • Tereasa bowers

    You know this is why I need you in my life!! Because you just are out there and it just so happened to be one of those situations like that preacher is talking to me moments 😝 I love you!

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