all i ever want for mothers day is a homemade card and to do something outdoors as a family.   i make it clear that i don't want a gift. rather, i want memories. so, i wake up on mothers day with my husband telling me that he has a fresh pot of coffee ready and not to go outside until he tells me to.  i was instructed not to look out the window either.  i was sitting at the kitchen table, with my hot coffee, like a little kid who still believes in santa.  i was tapping the floor in a steady range of motion full of jitters--dying to see what my family was up to outside.   i get cleared to go on outside.  but before i go, my husband drapes our nice camera around my neck, telling me, "i know how you like to document and how you enjoy ...

Continue Reading...

I made a scary decision at age 20.  I decided to break a generational curse over my life.  That curse stopped right here.  It ended with me.  At first it seemed impossible because constant chaos and dysfunction was my comfort zone.  Was it even worth the work it was going to take to dig myself out of this? I felt this inner strength telling me that hard work wasn't an option for me.  Oh goodness no. It. Was. Necessary. Do not mistaken me with a weight loss success story.  Yes, there is that.  But my story is thicker, mirkier, and much deeper than that. I was forced to deal with my junk because I realized it was hidden under my emotional eating sessions, my addiction to cigarettes, and tremendous feelings of inadequacy.  Just to name a few. Quitting smoking made me realize I suffered from high anxiety.   Once I quit smoking, ...

Continue Reading...