shame on all us liars.  we tell sweet pregnant women things like this: it's all blissful.  babies breath.  the coo-ing.  the cuddles.  the cute onesies.  the sweet and innocent way they depend on you.  and the way they make you a better person.  the special bond of nursing.  and the chance to see your spouse as a parent is the sweetest ever. the love.  oh the love.  it's immeasurable to anything you can fathom.  their first laugh.  the way they love and need you.  excited for each milestone.  it's truly a life that is worth living.  it gives you purpose and a chance to really pour yourself into something so very worthy.  it's just...so so good.   and none of that is fabricated.  we actually aren't little liars after all.  we just never offer up this: you will be so tired that you grab an empty coffee cup out of the cupboards, sit down ...

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life get's tough. and sometimes, life takes you under, leaving you emptied out.  life is unfair and unjust.  i'm not one to post how life is hard and tough and full of unfair ground, but today, i am bringing light to this. because it's true. life. is. unfair. have you ever been so broken in life that you fell on your knees, and you couldn't even find the words to pray?  i know i have. have you ever felt that GOD must not be real, because if he were, he wouldn't let these things happen to you?  i know i have. but you see, one thing i've always managed to muster up, no matter the situation i've fallen into, is hope. the bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick.  in other words, if you put off having hope, your heart will become sick.  let me say that again...your heart WILL become sick, if you put ...

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right here is where I want to be tonight.  in front of my computer. pecking the keys.  kids and husband are sleeping. lemon water to my left. praise music as my lullaby.  I  truly find myself in this place.  in the quietness of the ending of my days.  just me.  nobody needs anything.  and i have a blank space to write my little heart out.  i like it.  a lot. i also find myself in the middle of chaotic motherhood moments.  something about the way an evening stacks on you in a miserable fashion, can almost bring me a small dose of joy.  i know it sounds crazy, but i can find humor in the fact that i smell poop but can't quite place it.  meanwhile, the older two have been talking in a scream at each other for two solid hours over everything.  all while wondering why they can't just get along, begging ...

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