an honest start is where i’d like to begin.

since my father passed away, I’ve really fought a deep-rooted battle of rejection.  may God rest his soul, but he rejected me.  and it affects me.  it has been the hardest pain in my life.  but i’m starting to see the exact reason why the good Lord has allowed me to walk through these issues that seem to haunt me. 

´╗┐

I recently got my hands on a very powerful book by joyce meyer, called, “the root of rejection.”.  it basically lays out the foundation of why my heart breaks into a million (and then some!) pieces when people judge me, reject me, and misunderstand me. 

I’ve dissected and devoured this book.

now most people hate being disliked, misunderstood, and rejected.  but most people can easily let it go.  but there is a deeeeeeep root of rejection that has set up camp from my childhood.  I share this because i’m sitting here in complete amazement at the mighty GOD I serve. 

oh how he loves us.  he certainly does. 

when I hurt, I grow.  and I grow because I completely rely on HIM to lead me, refine me, reproof me, and guide me into a place of victory.  while yes, I’ve fought a very big battle in this small town of Bloomington, Illinois since my dad passed, i’m starting to understand the very reason why i’ve NEEDED to walk through it.

yes, NEEDED!!

healing paired with deliverance is beginning to saturate my soul. 

I needed to get my hands on this book.  it was for my broken heart.  I had no clue it was as broken and weary as it was until I began to flip each page of this book.  I realized so much about myself:  why I seek the approval of others, why a small act of rejection sends a shot straight to my heart.  and i’m finding such sweet freedom from all of it. 

baby steps?  yes!!  but i’m baby stepping right out of that strong hold.  and it feels so good.

since i started reading this book, it was almost like a paradigm shift began to take place in my life.  i began to get so much traffic on this darling blog, I’ve cranked out chapters in my book like it’s nobodies business, i started a new business as an online fitness coach to help support all those who live states apart from me reach their fitness destination, and i have signed the husband and i up for financial peace university. 
so yeah, paradigm shift.

all because i chose to stop feeling rejected.  i chose to feel accepted.

 because i am!! 

before i read this book, i felt that even though nothing will ever change who i am; because i enjoy being this colorful, loud, happy, healthy, woman of encouragement…i still felt rejected.  i often felt, “something must be wrong with me.” 

i am different.  i am.  i just freaking am.  i document my life for pete sake.  who the heck does that?

ME!!!

and the more i soul search, the clearer i hear that it’s right where i’m supposed to be.  that it doesn’t have to make a lick of sense to a single soul. 

and besides,

HOLY.  FREAKING.  FREEDOM.
pause button please!
christy´╗┐

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