after dinner I look over at the husband and say, “hey, I need to write tonight, my heart is heavy and I need to remember things that are good.”. 

“absolutely”, he said,  “you go right ahead.”, in a permission giving tone. 

wait!  permission?  did I just say that my husband gave me permission to write tonight?  matter of fact,  yes I did.  if he would have said, “really?  I was hoping to sit back and watch a few shows with you tonight.”, I would not be sitting here pecking at these keys.  because I love him.  and he loves me. 

there is a beautiful respect in our hearts for one another.  I think he gets me more than anybody ever could/can/would.  i especially love how he gages how my day has been based on how buried i am in chores when he gets home.  on days when the house is upside-down, he doesn’t do his regular strip-down/shower routine. 

oh no, he immediately grabs mary from under my feet as she sits there tugging on my yoga pants, crying, while i’m trying to chop veggies for dinner.  he slings her on his hip and does a quick pick-up of scattered toys.  and just the sound of toys going back into bins that they belong in starts making my mood change from frazzled and overwhelmed, to recharged and thankful. 

i’m old school.  and i like for the husband to come home and get a quick breather before having to pitch in and help (this doesn’t always happen, by the way).  i like to give him this liberty because after his little power half hour, he comes in ready to tackle and wrap up our day. 

and i get the satisfaction of feeling like a good wife.  i’m not saying that doing this determines if you’re a good wife or not.  but i am saying that i desire to be a good wife.  i want to model it for my children.  i want them to have good marriages.  and i’m not even ashamed to admit that i want to keep that man in love with me.  so i work at it.  and guess what?  dude freaking loves me.  and i love him.

he works at it too.  he tells me on Friday that he has a special night planned.  he lined up a sitter and everything.  he said he had reservations.  and that i was to dress up for a “night out on the town.”

so i did what any other stay-at-home-mama who is about to hit the town would do.  i run off to make sure i hadn’t lost my red lipstick.  ’cause red is sexy, and it seemed fitting for such a night.  good news.  i found my red lip stick.  so it was on.

after we get into the car, he heads downtown.  he passes this place called, laugh.  he points and says, “i’m taking you there…to a comedy club.”. 

conclusion:

best. date. ever.

***
i’m already feeling better in my heavy heart tonight, just remembering and thinking on the good.  i was a bit bluesy today.  my baby got her helmet.  and i woke up sad. 

i hadn’t allowed myself to get sad over this issue because i knew it wasn’t good for me to carry burdens for my children.  because trust me, i tried to carry the burden i had for my son a few years ago over his speech and it was far to much for me to bare. 

i remember the day i finally visualized myself–broken and weary, concerned and desperate for answers, placing my son into the arms of God.  and to this day when i feel a concern rise up within my children, i hold tight of that vision with all my might.  and i hand them right back into HIS arms.  i trust in the Lord with all my heart when it comes to my children.  i have to.  i’m a wreck when i try to carry the weight of worrying about them.  thankfully, i don’t have to. 

i was sad at the very thought that she was going to be uncomfortable.  that’s it.  that was enough to bring tears to my eyes a few times before 8 am this morning.  i kept replacing my worry with praise.  i would think about her trying to find a comfortable way to sleep, then i’d replace it with how thankful i am that she has this opportunity to get her sweet head shaped correctly. 

i wrestled off and on all day.  trying to defeat my mama-heart that was breaking.  i kept remembering the day i handed my Nathan to the Lord. 

i prayed for Mary a lot today.  i prayed for me too.  and HE listened.

mary is doing great with her helmet.  she is a bit fussier, but still as smiley as the day is young.  the doctor said that after a few days, she’ll be used to it.  and i was super happy to learn that she doesn’t have to sleep in it the first few nights.  we are to slowly get her to the point where she wears it twenty three hours a day. 

 but there is this one thing that breaks my heart into pieces, and i can’t help it.  i wasn’t expecting this to happen.  you see, mary fits in the crook of my neck and shoulder like it was made just for her.  she nuzzles me all day.   i get slayed every single time her cheeks are placed on my skin.  it feels soooooo good.  and it’s by far the best feeling in this world.  without question. 

i know she likes it too or she wouldn’t do it all the time.  so i’m sure she’s going to miss my skin on her cheeks as well. 

and now i’m crying.  again. 

that one hour a day that her helmet comes off?   yeah, you better bet your sweet bubble-butt that i’ll have that cheek on my shoulder.  yep!!

bless it.

pause button please!

Christy

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2 Comments

  • mom

    you by far are amazing and beautiful mom!! i am praying for you and my sweet name sake!!!

  • ElderFL

    such a great post! Your little Mary will love you for seeking the best medical care for her needs, despite the childhood adjustment part. Ugh, to keep them all safe/healthy/emotionally stable, SUCH a full time job!!! xo-Courtney

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