the mother of all play dates.  

the one that goes down in history. 
i’ll never forget it.  
here goes:
i’m pretty tight with a group of mama’s who have little people.  one in particular has three tots the same exact age as mine.  on saturday we met up like we always do.  nothing was different except that her husband tagged along-whom i had yet to meet.  
we pull in at the same time and i dash over to her van to greet her.  this is when i shake hands to meet the husband.  meanwhile, my friend starts talking about how her baby was fussy the night before (which is very unusual for this super laid back guy), and how he is refusing to eat.  you know, mama-talk.
and then, bam, the flood gates open and my milk lets down.  it was completely out of my control at this point.  i was only wearing my bikini and a little wrap around my waist.  yep, i had milk running down my stomach.  by the buckets full.
yeah, nice to meet you, adrienne’s husband.  
i was only a tad bit mortified.  my only saving grace was that she is a fellow nursing-mama and that this type of stuff isn’t foreign to him.  but embarrassed i was, nonetheless.
and we will just completely skip over the part that lucy poops in her swimsuit and i have to wash her poop covered body off in their bathtub.  there i stand, the girl whose boobs just leaked a pint of milk, asking for some cleaner to wash poop out of his tub.  
yeah, let’s just pretend all that never happened. 
the play date continued, and it was really fun.  it really was!!  
nathan even braved up enough courage to hold a frog.  and this totally made my weekend year!!  
he seems to be overcoming a large number fears lately.  he played with my moms dogs like a champ while in north carolina.  i’m totally loving this new growth in him.  he was really missing out on some of life’s simple joys.  but now, he digs dogs and frogs.  
i’m so proud of him.  i love turning over new leafs.  
but today at church, i got hit with a dagger.  it was aimed right at my heart. and my heart broke into a million pieces, instantly.  
i was sitting down chatting with a sweet lady from church when nathan comes running in the sanctuary, crying hysterically.  he was saying, “they wouldn’t hold my hand.”.  
i was confused.  i know my son and i knew that there was more to the story.  he was crying way to hard for this to be something as silly as someone just not wanting to hold his hand.
so i went to a place that was quiet where i could hear him and get to the bottom of it.  and what i discovered crushed me.  he just kept saying, “they wouldn’t hold my hand.”.  i said, “that’s okay if they choose not to hold your hand…why did you want them to?”.  and he continues in a broken tone, “they are fast, and i am slow.”.  
and at that point i knew exactly what he was trying to tell me.  i knew that all the kids were outside racing each other.  i began to put the puzzle together.  nathan was racing, and loosing.  i also know that he had the ingenious idea to hold hands with everyone so that they would all finish at the exact same time.  that way he would quit getting beat and they would all be equal.
but they didn’t like his idea.  they wanted to do it another way, which was completely fine.  i wasn’t one bit upset with the other kids.  i was just so sad for nathan.  i know how defeat feels.  i wanted to trade spots with him.  i wanted to go back in time-a year ago, when he had no clue what “loosing” meant.  when he would come lagging in last place wearing the best smile, all in the name of fun.  
but now, he understands.  
it’s not that i want him to be the best and win all the time.  i just don’t want to ever see him broken.  it sucks!!  especially when it’s out of my control.  this is something he must walk through on his own.  mama’s can’t fix everything. 
as i was pouring my heart out to the husband about this, i ended my story with, “doesn’t that break your heart, babe?”, thinking that surely he was going to be saddened by this.  instead, he does exactly what he is supposed to do.  he doesn’t feed into my sensitive, emotional, mommy heart.  he goes right to the bigger picture.  
husband confidently states, “being defeated and broken is good for him.”, and he continues, “we just don’t want him shattered.  nathan will just be more determined to try harder.”, he concludes.
i so needed to hear that.  i wasn’t capable of seeing the bigger picture.  i was so stuck on how nathan felt in that moment.  i am certain that this will not be the last time we will cross this bridge.  i’m being strengthened just a much as nathan through this.
so naturally, when we get home from church, i pull out a board game with the sole purpose to let nathan win.    
that’s just my little way to help keep him from being………………………shattered.   
and besides, i wanted to see his victory smile.
i also used it as an opportunity to express to him that i did not win, and that’s okay too. 
here’s to growing thicker skin, ’cause lord knows i need it.   
pause button please!

1 Comment

  • Anonymous

    Mothers heart Christi it never stops no matter what age they are, that's just how we roll.We always want to fix whats wrong take the hurts away even when its not physically possible.Your such a good mom but I did get quite a chuckle with the milk let down and the poopin! Take Care,Amy orris

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