this ole’ bloggidy blog has been a creative outlet for me to jot down our sweet little life.  and it has turned into quite a little story book.  my mind is blown at the number of people it has inspired along the way.  all the e-mails, comments, and messages have meant the world to me.  just simply learning that this blog has served to inspire other women has been such a great honor.

so, from the bottom of my heart…i thank you for sharing with me the many, (and often intimate) ways that this little blog has inspired you.  i cherish your words, truly.  and would you believe that i actually need them?  because i do.  we all need to be encouraged along the way and i am no different.  
i am mainly driven to write through my deep passion for motherhood.  but, being on the receiving end of such kind words drives me to write my little brains out as well.  here are a few comments that have moved me to tears.  they are just so genuine and dear to my heart.
“i love your blog.  it makes me want to be a better mother.”
“please never quit writing…it makes me happy.”
“i struggle with depression and i look forward to reading your words.  they encourage me.”
“this has been the hardest year for me and your blog helps me escape to my happy place.”
how cool is that?  to be a stay-at-home-mom, with the greatest responsibility and purpose on this planet, but still given another avenue to do just a little more.   
i try to keep things real and share my weaknesses along the way.  it is not my intention to paint a picture that is perfect and unobtainable.  i am, by nature, a positive chic.  i’m never changing that about myself.  since that will never change, this blog will be more on the 95% positive side.  it’s just how i roll.  
however, i am sure that people don’t want to hear that i am some rockstar-mom who never stops teaching, reading to, and crafting with my children.  if such a mom exists…she is a rockstar in my book and i have much to learn from her.  in the meantime, i’ll just keep growing and doing a little better every day.
sure, i limit television time with my littles, and i pride myself in being their very first teacher, and reading in this house isn’t optional–we read…daily.  but, every single day i have a time of reflection.  i usually soak in a hot bath as soon as i close the last bedroom door for the day.  this is when i realize that nathan was on my iphone watching netflix for longer than he needed to be.  and i probably should have brushed their teeth when instead, i intentionally put them down, failing to do so…because i was to tired.

there is always something i can find that needs improvement.  then, i do better tomorrow.  and i brush those pearly whites first thing in the morning for a little longer than usual.

i also let lucy run around like a jaybird as my little way of saying “sorry for not brushing your teeth…if i let you run around buck-naked for a little while, will that make it up to you?”

she was more than willing to let bygons be bygones.  and i was equally as willing to grab a shiny shot of her darling back side.  bless, bless, bless those little bunnies of hers.

see…messing up is that simple.  when i do things that i am not proud of, i fix it.  i don’t carry it around as a weight or a burden.  i squash it.  if it rises back up, i tackle it again.  in this house, we are totally allowed to make mistakes.  as long as we continue to grow.  and learn.  
speaking of mistakes…hold on to your seats because i am about to disappoint you a little bit.
disclaimer:  i am sooooooooooooooo not proud of myself for this.
here goes nothing:

nathan was really working hard at putting this toy fence together which required focus and patience.  he was doing great except this one piece just wouldn’t hook properly.  i heard him huff and i should have asked if he needed help.  but, i just figured he would ask if he needed me.  so, i watch him struggle a little more before he gives up and says, “JESUS CHRIST!!” (while thowing the piece that wouldn’t cooperate on the floor).

my mouth dropped to the floor when i heard this come out of his mouth.  i knew i couldn’t fuss at him for using such language.  it dawned on me that if a car pulls out in front of me, or i drop a glass and break it, or i spill something that causes a big fat mess…i utter the same exact thing.  and crazy enough, i didn’t even realize i said it until i heard it out of his mouth.

i immeadiately knew he was just copying his mother’s reaction.

(i’m drooping my head in shame if that counts at all.)
i let this slide in that particular moment and just focused on helping him with the fence and telling him “no worries…i’ll help you.”
i bet you can guess what i thought about “fixing” while soaking in a hot bath that night.  
i decided to have a little chat with him the next day after i gathered my thoughts on the subject.
me: “nathan, when mommy get’s aggrivated, i should never-ever-ever say JESUS CHRIST, i think we should say CHEESE-N-CRACKERS instead.  it’s a much kinder way to get upset.  is that okay?
nathan: “CHEESE-N-CRACKERS (while he says it as a way of testing it out)…okay…let’s do it.”
i wasn’t sure that he really understood what i was saying so i knew that only time would tell.  and it did.  in true nathan fashion, it was rather…what’s the word…HA-LARE-E-US.
nathan was using the potty and he dropped the toy he was holding and i hear him say “ah man…CHEESE-N-CRACKERS.”  i barge in the bathroom to clarify “that’s right buddy…CHEESE-N-CRACKERS.”, and he plainly states “no mommy…you say JESUS CHRIST….remember?”
yes, son…sadly i remember this all to well.  so i immediately reply “i really like CHEESE-N-CRACKERS’s kinder…remember?”
so, we shook on it.
good thing making mistakes is permitted in this house.  because i grew tremendously from this and i’m on my complete a-game from now on.  verbally speaking.

here’s to always and forever changing. and ever and ever.

except i’m not changing the fact that i sneak in those bedrooms every night, tilt my head, and smile while i watch them sleep.

and, i have no plans of changing the fact that we eat an apple a day.

pause button please!!
stay tuned for a gender reveal update.  it will be complete with a day of celebration.  that, you can count on.

blue or pink?  pink or blue?  I CAN’T WAIT!!!


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