i am actually writing this post because i have placed myself in time-out.  and yes, i’m talking about the kind of time-out that i put my children in to think about their choices.  because my choices need a little tweaking lately.

so, here i am.  in time-out.  thinking about some of my hormone provoked choices.  and you best believe that i am blaming those atrocious hormones.  

i am at that place in my pregnancy that the extreme fatigue is wearing out it’s welcome.  i am fully aware that my energy comes flooding back around twelve weeks and this really is a short lived season.  but, since i am used to having energy that is equivilent to an ADHD five-year-old…this is a little a lot hard for me. 

first trimesters aren’t for sissy’s.

i do find it pretty amazing how my body grows every single organ and body part during these first few months.  and deep down i love knowing that i’m plum exhausted because i grew something new and spectacular today.  i am physically exhausted, mentally drained, but when i am pregnant–i’m spiritually high.  GOD is making a new life and he becomes so much more real when i’m pregnant.

having said that, i am still very tired and have some confessions to make.

my first confession is to the husband.  he was changing lucy’s diaper and he just simply said, “babe, these diapers you picked up for lucy are to big.”

in my pregnant mind, it sounded more like, “hey stupid fatty…you got the wrong size diapers…idiot.”

so, i barked back with a “GREAT…now i am an idiot!!”

i’m pretty sure he wasn’t calling me a stupid and fat idiot.  certain of it, actually. 

i am so sorry, husband.  your poor feet must be killing you for having to walk on those rotten egg shells.

my second confession is to my lucy girl.  there i lay, in a desperate state of utter exhaustion.  meanwhile, nathan is taking full advantage of my condition and snagging every toy out of her hand.  it’s obvious that he only does this because he’s bigger and loves to dominate.  i do not like it one bit, and i do not tolerate it…usually.  sister looks back at me and i immediately read her precious mind.  is was ever-so-softly whispering, “he took that from me, you are going to help me…right?”

to shamefully answer lucy’s sweet question, “nope…i’m going to stay curled up on the couch and ignore you guys.”

i feel remorsefully bad for this and i promise my sweet lucy that i will not let that happen again.  i promise-promise.  please forgive me.

my third confession is to nathan.  my patience has wore thin on him.  lately when he says my name, it sounds like he has said it for the hundreth time in a row.  reality…he only said it once.  i shouldn’t answer back with “WHAT!!??” (all nasty-like).  i have had to apologize for my tone of voice lately.  to which he always-always-always says, “i forgive you, mommy.”  at one point this weekend, nathan was trying to figure out the cause of my grumpiness, he matter-of-factly states “you’re tired, mommy…go night night.”.

bless his sweet boney-bones.  i love being on the receiving end of four year old forgiveness and grace.  it’s the purest.

i swear, i have so much to learn from those unclouded and pure hearts. 

ahhhhhh,  sweet relief.  i feel like a catholic girl who just sat in one of those confessionals and spilled my heart out to the priest.  i feel much better.

dear my sweet family,
i’m so sorry.  i can be a giant butthole sometimes.  thanks for loving me to death anyway.
mommy (and wife)

pause button please!!

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  • Lizzywest

    I must confess that I "lose it" daily when I'm tired and NOT pregnant. So thankful for God's grace and His refinement… and how that grace is extended through our family! I'm so getting the baby bug, but the memory of 20 long wks of nausea and exhaustion might just keep that at bay for now:)
    The pics of sweet Lucy and Nathan are flippin' adorable!!!

  • Gabe

    Don't worry it gets better in time.

  • Kam

    We've all been there, and we are all still there at times…many times. You're a great mommy, and even better for admitting your flaws to the world. Keep up the stupendous work!!!

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