it was 11:30 a.m., on the nose.  time to scoop up my boy from school.  all the mommy’s rush in around the same time to grab up their little people.  today, in particular, this one little guy was bawling his eyes out.  he was crying because everyone’s mom was there, except his.  he really was pitiful.  nathan kept looking back at him as we were leaving.  in that brief second, nathan wore the same sad eyes that the crying kid was wearing.  as we were leaving,  nathan recognizes the crying boy’s mommy coming in (side note:  it blows my mind how he know’s which mommy belongs to which kid).  nathan quickly makes a bee line (while dragging me and lucy behind him), finds that little boy, and says, “it’s okay, it’s okay…your mommy is here”.  sweetness.

my sweet boy working hard on his sugar cookie making skills.

if nathan is no longer around after today…it’s because i ate him.  i just gobbled him down for being so darn sweet.  i sure was proud to be holding hands with such a great little person.

empathy is a beautiful attribute where you enter into someone else’s feelings.  we are supposed to care deeply for others.

after telling that story to my mom, josh, and three of my best friends, i started thinking about where empathy dwells deep inside my bones.  a place where i enter into someone else’s feelings and share their pain, even though they are the one experiencing the hurt.

i grieve for women who struggle with infertility.  i ache.  i pray.  i cry.  i do not fully understand the hurt and pain they go through, but i grieve even still.  i totally understood why nathan took off, dragging lucy and i at full speed to share in the joy with his little friend.  because, i can’t wait to celebrate the day that my close friends finally have an occupied womb.  i can promise you that whosoever’s hand i am holding, is getting jerked and dragged.  i will cry.  i will weap.  i will jump.  and i will shout.

i have had tears streaming down my cheeks, since the third paragraph.  i am so happy that i am pregnant, but so very sad that my friends are not.  i am rejoicing over this new little life, yet sorrow is present.  it is possible, that my news burns a little bit.  i hate that.  i love my friends.  they deserve a baby.  a baby that has their eyes, their nose, and their smile. 

dear babies,
i want you to love hard.  so hard that even though you are not personally experiencing one of life’s challenges or victory’s…that you will still allow yourselves to be vulnerable enough to care so deeply.  to hurt.  to cry.  to shout-it-from-the-rooftops.  to rejoice.  
love,
mommy

sweet, sweet siblings!!

pause button please!
christy

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4 Comments

  • amy

    Nathan sounds like the SWEETest babe!! Both of your babies sound like they have the big hearts that you have :)

    I have to say that for a "fertile" woman to be able to grieve or empathize for an "infertile" woman takes a sensitive and caring heart. I say that because I have run the gamet of people that just don't "get it". And, you know, that's ok. It's not their burden to bare. If you haven't gone through something it's hard to understand someone else's suffering…so, to be able to speak on it here on your blog with the beautiful words you did, means a lot to ME (and every other person that struggles with IF). Thank you for talking about it, it brings awareness to others and that is helpful as well!

    Love you girl. And when I say I am excited and happy for ya'll, I mean it!! You deserve the best :)

  • Felicia

    such a beautiful post, Christy!

  • triciaduncanphotography

    Thanks for the visit and congrats! yes the help was a great book! btw my blog moved! I am following you now.

  • Mom of 12

    Such cute babies! I can see why you want more.
    Sandy

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