i called it an early night, and set out for a solid ten hours of sleep.  i usually wake for potty breaks and fall right back into a slumber.  not this morning.  i was startled awake by my son screaming at 4:30 a.m..

my heart started to palpitate.  i jumped out of bed, tripped over my crocs, and stubbed the dickens out of my toe.  none of which slowed me down.  i rushed his door open.  i find him sitting indian style in the middle of his bed, looking (and still screaming), at the fan.  his voice was trembling as he said “IT’S ON THE FAN…GET IT!” (all terrified-like).

i immediately hopped on his bed and confidently said, “it’s not on the fan anymore….mommy got it(while swatting at the ceiling fan)….okay?”.  he safely says, “thank-you, mommy.”

that was that!!

so, i crawled back into my bed.  my heart (and big toe), was still palpitating.  then, my mind just took off.  i began to remember that happening to me when i was a kid on a regular basis.  i remembered how terrified i would be.  i hated that he was dealing with something similar.  i went from hating that he was terrified, to wondering if what i said to him was the right thing to say.  i quickly told myself to think about something else.  nothing good has ever came from worrying about my children….ever-ever.

that actually worked.

so, i thought about something else.  i thought about making these new organic granola bars that i’ve been dying to make.  then i started thinking about how i needed my bangs trimmed.  then i started wondering where my heart-rate watch was.  then i started thinking about coffee.  then i got really excited because i LOVE my first cup of morning coffee.  by this time, the clock said 5:00 a.m.

i got up.

the house was silent. the computer screen was empty, begging for a new blog post.  the coffee was hot, and my fingers were eager to type.

(oh how i love these first few sips of my morning coffee….ahhhhhh.)

here lately, i have found myself submerged in my passion.  granted, i am passionate about a lot of things.  to name a few:  my faith, my family, being positive, organic food, healthy sleep patterns for my children, consistantcy, and keeping fit .  since i’m currently reading “the digital mom handbook”, i am more focused now than ever before on my main passion.  which is the driving force behind each and every blog post.

THESE DAYS!!  that’s right.  i am most passionate about these days.  right here.  right now.

i am fully aware that i am wearing BIG shoes.  i am carving and shaping little people who will become big people.  i am to carefully select my words, and my actions.  i am responsible for their daily jive…their entire childhood.

thankfully, i’m aware.

by no means am i doing a perfect job…or anywhere in that ballpark.  i am just giving it my very best.  some days i fail miserably.  other days we are a success. 

some days my kids do not listen to anything i say.  totally defiant, and difficult.  other days they are the best little listeners.  totally effortless, and a dream.

i love both types of days.  they are equally necessary.  the harder days are full of combat.  their will against mine.  i am challenged on those days to be consistent, to discipline, and to train.  those days are when they are being molded the most. 

our easier days i use to fuel up.  i’m talking about filling up my gas tank, and adding in that free car wash.

i drip every last drop into those easy days.  i need that nonresistant, and manageable behavior.  i need those solid hours when nathan and lucy get lost somewhere in dress-up land for what seems like an eternity…without a single issue. to me, that is fuel.  the free car wash is when i am constantly on the receiving end of all those delicious hugs and kisses that i didn’t even ask for. 

i’ll take a full tank of gas, and a car wash.  please.  because today, i’m going to need the fuel.

i don’t measure our days in how super-awesome our craft was.  or what fun outing we went on. or how  organic and healthy our day was.  i measure it by asking myself at the end of each day, this one question… what could i have done better?

simple as that.

i hope making topping choices is our toughest decision of the day.

i have a good feeling about today.

pause button please!!

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